“To love yourself is to see, hear, feel, understand, value, act in the best interest of, and include all parts of your ‘self’.”

It sounds like a tall order, doesn’t it? But self-love is so much more than just treating yourself to a spa day or reciting positive affirmations in the mirror (although those can be nice too). True self-love runs deeper. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable, and recognising that every part of you—yes, even the messy bits—deserves kindness and respect.

Let’s be honest: self-love is often misunderstood. It’s not just about feeling good all the time or only acknowledging your best qualities. Real self-love is the process of fully accepting who you are, warts and all. It’s about recognising your worth, even on days when you’re not feeling particularly worthy. And, most importantly, it’s about making choices that support your well-being, even when those choices are tough.

Think about it—how often do you criticise yourself for not being “enough”? Not smart enough, not successful enough, not attractive enough? Without a strong foundation of self-love, it’s easy to get stuck in these negative thought patterns, which can hold you back from living the life you truly want. But when you start to cultivate self-love, something shifts. You begin to believe that you deserve happiness, that you’re capable of achieving your dreams, and that it’s okay to set boundaries and say no.

We’ve all been there, comparing ourselves to others, focusing on what we lack instead of what we have. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? And it drains so much of our energy. The truth is, self-criticism and comparison are like a black hole—they suck you in and cloud your judgment, making it harder to see the beauty in your own journey. But here’s the thing: when you shift your focus to self-love, you start seeing yourself through a different lens. Instead of constantly criticising yourself, you begin to appreciate your strengths, your uniqueness, and everything you bring to the table.

So, where do you stand with self-care and self-love? You might find yourself in one of these three groups:

1. The Unaware: Maybe you’re so caught up in your busy life that self-care isn’t even on your radar. You’re driven, you’re responsible, but somewhere along the way, you’ve forgotten to take care of yourself. Sound familiar? It’s easy to ignore your own needs until burnout or a health scare forces you to pay attention.

2. The Aware But Inactive: You get it. You’ve read about self-care, you’ve probably even set some goals to take better care of yourself. But life happens, and somehow, you just can’t seem to stick with it. You know what you should do, but putting it into practice is another story.

3. The Drifters: You’re all in on the idea of self-care. You genuinely believe it’s important, and you want to make it a regular part of your life. But consistency is hard. Maybe you have moments where you’re really good at it, but then life gets in the way, and you fall off track. It feels like self-care requires this all-or-nothing approach, which can be overwhelming.

Instead of waiting for a wake-up call, what if you started taking small, intentional steps towards self-love right now? Here’s how to get started:

1. Listen to Your Inner Voice: Spend some time in silence and really listen to what’s going on inside. What do you need? What are your true desires and fears? Trust this voice—it’s your inner guide, and it knows what’s best for you.

2. Create a Space That Feels Like You: Look around your home or workspace. Does it reflect who you are? Surround yourself with things that bring you joy and peace. It could be as simple as adding a plant to your desk or creating a cosy nook for reading.

3. Embrace Your Shadows: We all have parts of ourselves that we’d rather not acknowledge. But what if, instead of pushing them away, you got curious about them? Whether it’s through journaling, therapy, or just some deep reflection, try to understand these aspects of yourself. They’re part of what makes you, you.

4. Make Your Own Rituals: Create little rituals that feel meaningful to you. Maybe it’s lighting a candle in the morning, taking a walk to clear your mind, or setting aside time each day to just breathe. These rituals are small acts of self-love that can make a big difference.

5. Redefine What Success Means to You: Forget about society’s version of success. What does success mean to you? Is it about having a lot of money and a fancy title? Or is it about feeling fulfilled, having close relationships, and enjoying what you do? Define it on your own terms.

6. Reconnect with What You Love: Think back to something you used to love doing but haven’t made time for in a while. Was it painting? Dancing? Writing? Reignite that passion. It’s a direct line to your true self.

7. Accept Yourself, Flaws and All: Radical acceptance is about embracing all parts of yourself, even the ones you’ve been conditioned to hide. Your quirks, your past mistakes, your insecurities—they all make up the person you are today. And that person is worthy of love.

8. Check In With Yourself Regularly: Take stock of your life from time to time. What’s working? What’s not? Are you just going through the motions? Use this insight to make changes that align with who you really are.

9. Surround Yourself With Real Connections: Spend time with people who uplift you, who challenge you to grow, and who accept you for who you are. These are the people who will support you on your journey.

10. Celebrate the Small Wins: It’s easy to focus on the big milestones, but what about the small steps you take every day? Celebrate them. Every time you choose to act in your own best interest, you’re practising self-love. That’s worth acknowledging.

Self-love isn’t a one-time deal—it’s a lifelong journey. It’s about building a relationship with yourself, one that’s rooted in kindness, compassion, and acceptance. So start where you are, take it one step at a time, and remember, it’s never too late to start. You’re worth it.